This post was drafted out so I will post it here first and then post about rias birthday.
A warning, this post consists of much emoness and a hell load of ranting, so dont read unless you are absolutely kaypo as to whats going on in my life.
I feel so low. And the x and y axis are both negative at the moment. I cry myself to sleep every night. Thats how bad it is. Everything is screwed up at the moment. My studies, my life, my emotions. Everything.
And I realise that,
I have issues with trust. Honestly, I do. Its like a phobia, I care about what people think of me. In fact, I care A LOT.
Even though I do know that popularity is superficial.And Im losing myself, in the process. But strangely, Im liking it. Its like an inner battle, between sarsu and sarayoo. I like sarsu, but I miss sarayoo too. Im a totally different person nowadays. And whats scaring me, is the thought that I actually like this. Ohmyfugginggod what the hell is wrong with me?
Suicide is a depressing topic. And I keep trying to avoid it. But old memories keep coming back, flashes of the past. Which I want to forget but cant. Sometimes I think if _____________ had worked last year, then I wouldnt have had to face this day. But when I think of happy thoughts, everything becomes all right in the end. It takes time,yes, but in the end, everything turns out for the better.
Thank you for letting me know your true colours. I am still shocked over the fact. I never knew you could stoop so low. I think Im over you right now. Life sucks at the moment, SCHOOL sucks even more. I hate my negative emotions and those stupid moodswings. Why cant I be hyper all the time like last year?Just to end off. I am an atheist. Uhuh I dont believe in god. I stopped believing and Im losing my faith. What little faith I had.
You got a problem with that? Dont try to change my viewpoint on this. Just let me live life the way I want. Im not disrupting your faith and you are not disrupting my faith. Or lack of faith. So just drop the freaking matter already.
Please do not comment on this entry. And dont ask me why Im emo or ask me to cheer up. Because that only makes me feel worse. Also who knows, I might not be emo tomorrow but hyper. Although that is highly unlikely, considering the way things have been lately.
I realise that parallel lines never meet. Perpendicular ones do however they always remain at 90 degrees. No more, no less.
I shall go mug now. Perhaps that will help numb the pain. " I've become so numb I can feel you there.... "I mean it.Labels: emoness
