i havent written for a really long time and in this short span of a week, a lot of things have happened that have partially changed my life. im so temperamental and moody now a days. I may not be like that at school but at home......its totally a different story. i dont feel belonged at LD anymore,at least not like i used to during aftermath. somehow.....everyone seems to be avoiding me,even the seniors. like for instance, during ms seargens courses, the seniors always run off to pair with "popular" people like karen and anni,leaving the others and me sitting there and looking stupid while some person takes pity on us and takes us in. they dont even seem to remember my name. oh....they remember peoples names like karen,anni and tiffany but not mine. they can even remember ashima's name even though its kinda hard to remember for nonindians. these few days i have been feeling so lonely, not just in ld but in school and class as well. its not that people dont include me in something, its more like i dont feel included. i really dont understand why. over the years, manymanymany people have told me that i talk a lot and most of it is rubbish. even my teachers and parents and of course, friends. it seems like they get irritated by me. i have been trying to change but i just cant help it. its like natural instinct. i will be talking for like 20m min continously and stone for like 2 min. and when i stay stone, i really mean stone.i dont talk to anyone during this period and im usually thinking of a song or daydreaming. worst of all, this process continous on and on, making it worse. somehow, i just cant get out of the habit. but to me(and im being honest here....) besiddes that, i dont really have any bad qualities except being quick-tempered. but my temper is also kinda different. its not like ashima who flares up and starts shouting at everyone. i become mad only at certain times. YOU DO NOT WANT TO DISCRIMINATE SOMEONE OR BE SELFISH IN FRONT OF ME. i just have this wierd tendency to be mad at total starngers. like for instance, the other day, someone was like beating his kid(who was like 5 or 6 years old) at the bus interchange the other day and i was like practically shouting at my mother on the way.(shouting as in complaining) so anyway....back to the subject. i dont know what i am going to do about ld..... if this continues.....i seriously might quit.will continue writing???(typing) later.
